I think brothers and sisters relate to each other in three different ways:
- Fighting or being mean to each other
- Getting along as peers
- That special "big brother/sister with little brother/sister" thing
As a parent you work to reduce the first among your kids, you settle for the second, and try to encourage the third one, but that bonding thing only happens when they want it to. Ahh, but when it does it warms your heart, and makes you think you might be doing something right. I've noticed it a lot this past year, especially from Fiona, in ways big and small.
A necessary ingredient seems to be a difference in age. My brother Rob is only a year older than I -- we did a lot of stuff together, and almost always got along, but I don't have any strong "big brother/little brother" memories. (Maybe he does, and now thinks I'm an ingrate, but I'll plead forgetfulness.) We were peers, as we all are as adults now. I have a little more separation in age from Ed (2 years) and Maura (7 years), though, which made a difference growing up.
When I came home from college my senior year for Christmas break there was a cool new movie I wanted to see: Stop Making Sense, the Talking Heads live concert film, directed by Jonathan Demme to great reviews. It was only showing in a few theaters around Chicago.
What prompted me to track it down and bring my high school sophomore little sister along? Just being a good big brother, I suppose, sharing some of my college coolness and knowing it would be an adventure for her. Throughout college I was either away at school or away working, and I'd be heading off to Africa in a matter of months, so it seemed like the right thing.
The movie met all of my expectations, lead singer David Byrne has a truly weird and truly compelling stage presence, and the soundtrack was fantastic. It's the only movie I've ever seen that had people dancing in the aisles: a couple of punk rock girls a few feet away from us, and Maura looked shocked and excited at the same time. That describes the whole event, really-- she didn't rave about the music afterwards, but I'm sure it opened her eyes to something new.
I'm done patting myself on the back, so I'll open the floor to anyone else who wants to share a nice big brother/sister moment. And I think I'll rent Stop Making Sense and watch it with the kids, for similar reasons as before plus a little nostalgia...
Pat
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I took my little sis to a Rick Springfield concert (I was 15; she was 10) and it felt like one of those grand, special moments when we all understood each other, etc. On the other hand, I knew Rick Springfield was kind of a joke - a star of the soap opera General Hospital and whose biggest claim to fame was one big radio hit "Jessie's Girl." I think we had a more "organic"and therefore authentic moment when we wandered through the forest of Santa Cruz, California - without an agenda or anything other than the desire to grow up, learn something new, and move on. We should all be so lucky.
My oldest brother would take me to his fraturnity when I was about twelve. Guys living with guys, no moms, beer everywhere, long hair....my god, I couldn't wait for college.
My next oldest brother was into the Grateful Dead. Let's leave it at that.
This brings back memories of when my sister and I (she is 4 years younger) went to see Darryl Hall and John Oates play in the Meadowlands arena in New Jersey. It must have been around 1984? I recall the the tour sponsor was "Pontiac Fiero" (if you're old enough to remember that classic!) I was in college at the time and to admit to seeing Hall and Oates was pretty uncool and not something I would have publicly brought up with my roomates...In any case, my sister and I still talk about that evening. It's one of those memories we share together...And for the record...Hall and Oates was a pretty good show....
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