I admire people who can start up a business -- a restaurant, a website, a clothing line, whatever. I'm too risk-averse and too "9-to-5" to make that happen.
I have my ideas, though. Here are a couple I've been mulling for a while -- comments and refinements welcome. Maybe one of these will be a big hit.
1. A new line of self-help books
(I've run this by a few people, with mixed reviews so far.) The two very successful self-help series over the last 10-15 years are the "for Dummies" and "Idiot's Guide" books, like "Microsoft Word for Dummies", "The Idiot's Guide to Chess", and so on. That's all well and good, but a key market segment has been left wanting: morons. If you're a dummy or an idiot you can get all the instruction you need, but if you're a moron? Nothing! The possibilities are endless: "A Moron's Book of Gardening", "Pay Your Taxes, You Moron", etc. And the beautiful thing is, you could charge whatever you want per book, since the people who'd buy it -- well, they're morons!
2. Health club equipment
People will avoid almost any form of exercise, and then happily do a simulated version at a health club. Walk or run a few blocks at home, or a mile or two? No way -- but let me at that gym treadmill! Take the stairs instead of the elevator at work? Nah, but I'll put in my time on the StairMaster. We'll hire someone to lift and carry stuff from the basement to the garage, and then lift and carry weights ourselves two days each week at LifeTime Fitness.
I'm designing a new gym machine around a 4-foot rod attached to a series of cables, pulleys, and weights, which simulates snow shoveling. Snow shoveling is a renowned strenuous exercise -- it's known for giving old men heart attacks -- but we avoid it at home at all costs. The "SnoMaster" could have a video screen showing you the length of sidewalk you have ahead of you, and the depth of the snow on the screen could vary based on the resistance level chosen. Nike and Reebok could make special SnoMaster gloves and hats to wear. Maybe boots, too. I can picture a whole row of people at the gym, listening to their iPods, wearing their gear, happily shoveling their way to fitness -- especially in warm places like Florida and Arizona, where there's no outdoor opportunity at all.
I'll let you know how these progress. And the "RakeMaster" is not too far behind.
Pat
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Adaptations
It's been two months now since Rachel's passing, and a little over a month since I've been back at work. I'm taking care of the basics at home (food, clothing, and shelter) pretty well. Having dinner delivered every other night helps, as does the yardwork and dog-walking assistance. Meaghan's working out great for after-school care, and the every-other-week house cleaner does a good job.
I still think of some things as "Rachel's" (the Honda Pilot, the left-hand nightstand) and others as "ours" (the house, the place in Wisconsin). That's slowly changing -- I was bold enough to re-set the radio station buttons in the Pilot to my preferences, and to move my clothes into the bigger bedroom closet. Crazy, huh?
Making the kid's lunches in the morning is enjoyable, and not yet drudgery. I've made more sandwiches and used more Ziploc bags in the last month than I have in a long time. I also know who eats what, which I was oblivious to before.
I went to the parent-teacher conferences last week; in 8 years at St. A's I've only been once or twice before. I actually liked it, as the kids are all doing just fine in school (except for one bad math grade, from an unexpected source.)
One chore we used to fight about at home was laundry. Rachel was constantly doing laundry, and constantly complaining about constantly doing laundry, and mad at me for not pitching in. I would get mad at her when I did help, because we had no system, and I'd wind up folding a basket of dirty laundry, or re-washing a load that was already clean. As an engineer and naturally organized person it drove me nuts, and I can't count the number of times I offered to just take the whole thing over. She would never let me -- I'm not sure if she was afraid I'd screw it up, or that I wouldn't...
Now I make the kids bring their laundry baskets to the basement Monday and Thursday mornings before school, and sort their stuff into the white-dark-colors baskets. I start a load before leaving for work, and Meaghan keeps it moving when she comes in the afternoon. We fold on the counter downstairs and put everything back in the kids baskets, and make them take their own stuff back upstairs and put it away in their rooms. Was that really so hard?
There's often satisfaction in being an engineer, although I'm not sure I'd want my daughter to marry one...
Pat
I still think of some things as "Rachel's" (the Honda Pilot, the left-hand nightstand) and others as "ours" (the house, the place in Wisconsin). That's slowly changing -- I was bold enough to re-set the radio station buttons in the Pilot to my preferences, and to move my clothes into the bigger bedroom closet. Crazy, huh?
Making the kid's lunches in the morning is enjoyable, and not yet drudgery. I've made more sandwiches and used more Ziploc bags in the last month than I have in a long time. I also know who eats what, which I was oblivious to before.
I went to the parent-teacher conferences last week; in 8 years at St. A's I've only been once or twice before. I actually liked it, as the kids are all doing just fine in school (except for one bad math grade, from an unexpected source.)
One chore we used to fight about at home was laundry. Rachel was constantly doing laundry, and constantly complaining about constantly doing laundry, and mad at me for not pitching in. I would get mad at her when I did help, because we had no system, and I'd wind up folding a basket of dirty laundry, or re-washing a load that was already clean. As an engineer and naturally organized person it drove me nuts, and I can't count the number of times I offered to just take the whole thing over. She would never let me -- I'm not sure if she was afraid I'd screw it up, or that I wouldn't...
Now I make the kids bring their laundry baskets to the basement Monday and Thursday mornings before school, and sort their stuff into the white-dark-colors baskets. I start a load before leaving for work, and Meaghan keeps it moving when she comes in the afternoon. We fold on the counter downstairs and put everything back in the kids baskets, and make them take their own stuff back upstairs and put it away in their rooms. Was that really so hard?
There's often satisfaction in being an engineer, although I'm not sure I'd want my daughter to marry one...
Pat
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Favorite Sayings
I've got a few favorite sayings that I use all the time. Some are from movies, some from TV shows, and some are just inside jokes among a few people.
Why do we quote movies and TV shows? Sometimes it's the right saying at the right time, and everyone understands and smiles. Other times it's already worn down to a cliche, and the listener groans at the lack of imagination. (Remember "Where's the beef?") I suppose it's generally a speaker's attempt to make a connection with the listener, which is usually (but not always) succesful.
A story many of you know is that Rachel quoted from "Caddyshack" when we first met, and I was duly impressed. Any quote from "Caddyshack" is OK by me, no matter how many times I've heard it -- I think the same goes for "Seinfeld" and "Austin Powers". Together that's a rich trove of sayings, to cover almost any occasion.
A couple others I use are inside jokes. I try not to grin too much, or expect the listener to get it, but I still use them for my own amusement. As I think about it that doesn't seem cruel to me, just a little odd.
So without further delay...
1. "Well, anyway..."
We had an engineering professor, Dr. Soo, whose English was just OK when he taught us for the first time. (It actually got pretty good, although heavily accented, and he was a pretty good instructor.) He started every lecture with the words "Well, anyway..", as if he had just stopped talking, instead of our last meeting being several days ago. This got picked up by us clever engineers right away, and we said "Well, anyway..." all the time. Somehow it stuck with me, and I still use this saying -- especially with my brother Ed, a fellow Dr. Soo student.
2. "Where will this madness end?"
In the episode of "Laverne and Shirley" when they moved from Milwaukee to California, Lenny and Squiggy came bursting into the apartment (they were great apartment bursters long before Cosmo Kramer). They were lamenting the girls' departure when one of them noticed the suitcases by the door. After these were explained Squiggy cried out "Their luggage is leaving too? Where will this madness end?" I normally leave the luggage reference out, and find this phrase is useful in all sorts of ironic ways.
3. "Haben sie kartoffelzuppe?"
A German friend of mine from years ago, Rudy, had befriended an American G.I. back home in Dusseldorf. This poor soldier had only learned a few phrases of German, and the only thing he could order in a restaurant was potato soup (kartoffelzuppe). If he sat down and asked for it and they didn't have it, he'd get up and go to a different restaurant. Rudy and I thought this was so funny that he and I used to use this as a greeting, with the response always being "Ja, ich habe kartoffelzuppe!" This one's a little harder to work into general conversation.
4. "Oh, the humanity!"
I'm not the only one who uses this quote from the radio broadcast of the Hindenburg disaster. It's saved for a minor pile-up of some kind, when you know everything's OK -- like a collision at a little kids' soccer game that briefly leaves a few players sprawled out.
5. "Whaddaya whaddaya?"
A New York expression with no specific meaning, as far as I know. I picked it up from Tom Wolfe's novel "Bonfire of the Vanities", and my college roommate and I used to use it as a telephone greeting, just for fun.
6. "Sentence enhancers"
In the SpongeBob episode "Sailor Mouth" SpongeBob and Patrick innocently start using profanity, or "sentence enhancers" as they call them. To quote Patrick: "You just sprinkle it on anything you say, and.. Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!" I think "sentence enhancers" is my current favorite euphemism.
There are others, of course, but this is a nice sampling. I suppose a final reason for using these in conversation is that I always have something ready to say, instead of having to think of it on the spot.
So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
Pat
Why do we quote movies and TV shows? Sometimes it's the right saying at the right time, and everyone understands and smiles. Other times it's already worn down to a cliche, and the listener groans at the lack of imagination. (Remember "Where's the beef?") I suppose it's generally a speaker's attempt to make a connection with the listener, which is usually (but not always) succesful.
A story many of you know is that Rachel quoted from "Caddyshack" when we first met, and I was duly impressed. Any quote from "Caddyshack" is OK by me, no matter how many times I've heard it -- I think the same goes for "Seinfeld" and "Austin Powers". Together that's a rich trove of sayings, to cover almost any occasion.
A couple others I use are inside jokes. I try not to grin too much, or expect the listener to get it, but I still use them for my own amusement. As I think about it that doesn't seem cruel to me, just a little odd.
So without further delay...
1. "Well, anyway..."
We had an engineering professor, Dr. Soo, whose English was just OK when he taught us for the first time. (It actually got pretty good, although heavily accented, and he was a pretty good instructor.) He started every lecture with the words "Well, anyway..", as if he had just stopped talking, instead of our last meeting being several days ago. This got picked up by us clever engineers right away, and we said "Well, anyway..." all the time. Somehow it stuck with me, and I still use this saying -- especially with my brother Ed, a fellow Dr. Soo student.
2. "Where will this madness end?"
In the episode of "Laverne and Shirley" when they moved from Milwaukee to California, Lenny and Squiggy came bursting into the apartment (they were great apartment bursters long before Cosmo Kramer). They were lamenting the girls' departure when one of them noticed the suitcases by the door. After these were explained Squiggy cried out "Their luggage is leaving too? Where will this madness end?" I normally leave the luggage reference out, and find this phrase is useful in all sorts of ironic ways.
3. "Haben sie kartoffelzuppe?"
A German friend of mine from years ago, Rudy, had befriended an American G.I. back home in Dusseldorf. This poor soldier had only learned a few phrases of German, and the only thing he could order in a restaurant was potato soup (kartoffelzuppe). If he sat down and asked for it and they didn't have it, he'd get up and go to a different restaurant. Rudy and I thought this was so funny that he and I used to use this as a greeting, with the response always being "Ja, ich habe kartoffelzuppe!" This one's a little harder to work into general conversation.
4. "Oh, the humanity!"
I'm not the only one who uses this quote from the radio broadcast of the Hindenburg disaster. It's saved for a minor pile-up of some kind, when you know everything's OK -- like a collision at a little kids' soccer game that briefly leaves a few players sprawled out.
5. "Whaddaya whaddaya?"
A New York expression with no specific meaning, as far as I know. I picked it up from Tom Wolfe's novel "Bonfire of the Vanities", and my college roommate and I used to use it as a telephone greeting, just for fun.
6. "Sentence enhancers"
In the SpongeBob episode "Sailor Mouth" SpongeBob and Patrick innocently start using profanity, or "sentence enhancers" as they call them. To quote Patrick: "You just sprinkle it on anything you say, and.. Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!" I think "sentence enhancers" is my current favorite euphemism.
There are others, of course, but this is a nice sampling. I suppose a final reason for using these in conversation is that I always have something ready to say, instead of having to think of it on the spot.
So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
Pat
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
